I went to a friend’s wedding this weekend.
I don’t usually do weddings. Mostly because my freedom doesn't love to conform to organized events with strict itineraries and strong conditioned traditions.
But this one was special. I chose to focus on the love. And any wedding I am invited to at this point is special because I no longer “people-please” with my friends so, if I go, I actually want to be there.
If I show up, I’m showing up with purpose and pure intentions. I’m showing up ready to be present and contribute my best to the experience. I’m ready to go with the flow, surrender to the moments, and see what happens.
And at this wedding, something magical happened.
Meeting the Magician.
The wedding was beautiful, magical, romantic, and enlightening. As you walked into the wedding reception, it was truly wonderful. Jaw dropping, glittering, shimmering, and shining with abundance and genuine beauty. (And I really don’t like weddings!!)
This was a moment when I knew I was meant to be there. It felt like miracles could happen in the twilight of the floating candles that were center pieces throughout the room.
I was so happy to be there and witness an old friend marry her best friend. The way he looked at her all night with such a twinkle in his eye and flutter in his heart really inspired me. The way they held hands at the ceremony and he sweatily wiped his palms during a break in their hand-holding. So sweet. There was a lot of love. I felt it. And my friend (a very successful salesperson for elevators… random, but relevant), and not one for “PDA” was beaming all night through all the very obvious displays of affection that stuck to true ceremony traditions.
And to me, the best part of the “tradition” was the end. (Because I’m one for irony). They exited into an elevator.
… and went straight up to their penthouse suite to change into the final party outfit of the evening.
And so, bridesmaids totally checked out (they have such a long day!!), my friend and I were catching our second wind to rally for the final party… at the bar.
Originally headed to The Ranch, we opted for the Broken Arrow across the street.
I said my mantra on the walk, “I choose courage over comfort” and focused on positivity about doing something I’ve long let go of… “going out.” But, I was “pleasantly festive” (as my best friend Spencer and I used to say) and had that type of drunk confidence that I remember having at twenty-three, broke, and full of white girl entitlement.
Obviously, that was no longer me, but I let the naive confidence shine through and loved it.
So I strutted into the bar, ready to make miracles happen.
And then one did.
I saw a man I have only ever imagined in my dreams.
The first time I saw him, my eyes immediately locked in and I could not break my stare. I also wondered how I had gone the whole wedding without seeing him as I saw him now. But this must be the meant-to-be moment. I almost felt like there was a light shining on his head and he was glowing.
I didn’t even let my mind have a thought about it and grabbed my friend and went up and introduced myself and my friend to him and his friends. I had to connect with him. I was drawn to him.
Nothing was going to stop the magnetism.
I let a thought in… “Was he feeling this too?”
I wasn't sure and I decided I didn't care.
The beauty of being secure in your vulnerability is that you really don’t care what the outcome or response is because you really just want to give, show, and lead with your heart as much as possible.
And so, a big act of vulnerability for me was breaking out of my introverted shell (albeit, I was totally drunk and totally not introverted at this point) and reached my hand out first. I made eye contact, opened my heart, and did my best to relax my nervous system. Boy was that scary!
Breaking through the barriers we put up as humans is never easy, but in my experience, it is always worth it.
Because here’s the thing, no matter what the outcome or response is, I feel good about it. My act of vulnerability really has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. It was totally inspired by him, but it was me that chose courage over comfort. And when I do that, I always feel good about it.
Thankfully, this was worth it. The moment I made contact with him, I felt a jolt of energy between us. It was truly electric! And I knew it was mutual.
Hello, Dr. Avery.
I kept my cool at the bar but my inner feminine was screaming. Screaming.
I remembered my intention before the wedding to (in short) “do me” and not worry about being single or others being single. (It can get a little forced and… sketchy at weddings).
But I couldn’t stop this burning sensation inside!
I pushed my thoughts away, relaxed into my authenticity, and just felt his energy.
Mmmmm! Boy was it for me!
Sweet, juicy, sexy, soft, supple, luscious, magnificent, energetic, kind, masculine, wholehearted, secure, safe, open, generous, FULL OF PLEASURE.
That is what I felt and maybe all those words are meant for my journal, but I’ll leave them there for you to soak in. His energy is good.
And his face is divine.
As I stared at his illuminated face under the fluorescent bar light (seemingly swapped for a soft, glowing ring light), I decided he was created by angels. And knew that he was sent to be sitting in front of me right at that moment.
His cheekbones and face alone were enough to make my heart skip a beat. (Think: Dr. Jackson Avery in Grey’s Anatomy). His eyes were the dreamiest thing I’ve ever seen… like making love in a glance. My heart beat faster the longer I stared at him.
AND above all that, (yes there is more to him than his looks) his heart is what stood out to me the most. Almost like I could see it standing out in his chest, outlined under his shirt. I could also feel it. And, as it turns out, it was very much a part of our conversations later.
Now that I met this magical man, my night was just beginning!
We played a finger game (no, not what you’re thinking. Although that’s what I would have rathered been doing...) that involved each of the participants’ fingers placed on the rim of a cup and a person shouting the number of the fingers that they think will be left on the cup after the count of 3.
And throughout this game, it was my job to not let my inner wild cat out and pounce on him from across the table. So, when it was my turn… I closed my eyes. Seriously, just one look with this guy and I was ready to explode.
And then I would breathe. And return to the finger game. (Only to think about what game I really wanted his finger to play…)
The bar began closing and so our journey flowed another way. We walked home together. Somehow (he told me later) I went from talking about being a soccer captain to telling him the beauty of surrendering… sexually. Whoops! I couldn’t be contained.
It got deep, quickly. Which makes sense for me, anyway. My Venus is in Scorpio.
We walked back to the hotel and only four of us still stood so, we went to the hotel bar.
The magical man ordered us all an old-fashioned and we sat next to each other and began connecting. Somehow, very quickly, and without me mentioning it first, we discovered that we shared a love for helping others, empowering homeless communities, and probably what we both do (that part is fuzzy).
It felt like just as we sat, the servers asked us to leave.
But I was not done here. No way.
It just kept getting better!
I guess he was feeling similar because we flowed right to the lobby to continue our conversation. I don’t even remember making this decision.
The other two went to bed and the magical man and I found our last available spot… the couch of the beautiful Hotel Zaza lobby (filled with really amazing plants and art).
And now, I was left to explore this sexy man that seemed almost… manifested.
We continued connecting over our love of helping others and when our conversation took a twist to a more argumentative side, I was equally happy because the argument centered around our different approaches for changing the world. How beautiful. And how deeply I was craving moments like this.
We talked until 6 AM.
And in the lobby of Hotel Zaza, I started falling for a human I had met only hours ago.
Was this a dream?
As the sun rose and the deep hours of the night became the shining hours of the early morning, we decided it was time for him to go to his flight (at 7:30 AM). I gave him my number and we headed upstairs. Me to grab my bag from my friend’s hotel room and him to pack for his flight.
We didn’t make plans to say goodbye and my avoidant attachment style panicked. I decided he probably wasn’t going to text me and that I should just Uber home. My body was close to shutting down anyway.
I got in an Uber and started my journey back home and then I received a text asking where I was. Of course he wanted to say goodbye. “What was I thinking?” I thought.
A little panic rose, so I soothed it by asking myself, “what do I want here?”
I wanted to say goodbye!
We texted a few times about how that was not how we wanted things to end and so I made a decision to do things differently. Secure attachment style.
I told the wonderful (slightly crazy) lady driving me that I totally forgot something at the hotel (a kiss, obviously) and asked if she wouldn’t mind turning back. She didn’t mind and I added a stop in the Uber app and back we went.
I arrived and the moment my cobalt blue high heel stepped out of the Uber onto the cobblestone thruway, it almost felt like a movie. I still had my heels on but in my mind they were dangling from two fingers by my side as I ran back to the elevator (I walked slowly) to bid adu to this man that felt like a lover without us having touched anything more than hands.
At the elevator, I looked up and saw that it was on number 9 (the floor he was staying on) and it was coming down.
I took a breath. My body filled with excitement.
The door opened and I couldn’t see him. His hotel roommate was standing in front of him and as he walked out he looked at me and laughed. (I totally felt judged and didn’t care one bit!)
And then… there he was. Standing cool, calm, and collected against the rail. Looking fresh and sexy as ever. He was shining again to me. Like he just descended the elevator from heaven. (Meanwhile, I’m pretty sure I looked like a dead ragdoll). I didn’t care. It was all about the energy. All about the presence, the consciousness, all in that moment.
I let my body become totally magnetized towards his body. Like our hips needed to connect.
We said nothing as I went straight to him. My only thought came up and I told myself, “open, you are safe,” and so my chest opened and I melted into him.
His lips were like little lightning bolts, giving and receiving energies, shocking me, enlivening me. His kisses were beautiful, sweet, strong, and totally sexy. The elevator doors closed. He clicked the highest floor number and up we went… in ecstasy. I actually felt like I was floating in a hot air balloon. I felt the lightness, I felt the heat, I felt the carefreeness, I felt the excitement and the edge. My yoni was happy.
Whew. And then he pressed floor one. And down we go… into deep pools of bliss.
Kissing him felt like passion, pleasure, and peace all mixed into one sweet gift through his lips. His system felt secure, his heartbeat strong, and I felt love come out of me.
The elevator door opened. And I thought, “Could this be?”
L. O. V. E. ?
I didn’t want to leave so I gently and lovingly touched his face to remember him and exited the elevator.
I had to pull myself away because if not, I would have jumped on him, wrapped my legs around him, and never let go.
I got back in the Uber wondering if I looked like I just stuck a fork in a socket. That was so much energy exchanged!
How did I just feel all this in one night? It has to be lust… right?
And then, I remembered a tarot card that (@cloverreadscards) drew in my last love reading… the Magician.
I had just spent the night with my magician.
I dreamed of his lips as my body surrendered to the blissful journey home.